Hangin With Your Bestie

"Bestie", common slang form meaning a best friend. Men! Who is your "bestie"? Women! Who is your "bestie"? If you are married, I would like to make a suggestion...If you are married, your spouse should be your "bestie".

I in now way am suggesting that you should not have any other close friends in your life. Quite the contrary. We need close relationships with friends, but one of the closest relationships a married person should have is there spouse.

With marriages crumbling all around us, we are led to beg the question, "Why?" I can think of a number of answers, but in all honesty I don't know that there is one particular reason why, but many reasons. One reason is that the level of "intimacy" between husband and wife is nowhere near where it should be.

So, part of the answer is an off-the-chain sex life? Yes that is part of the answer, but when I am talking about intimacy, I'm not talking about how often you jump in the sack with your spouse. I'm talking about a closeness. I'm talking about the depth of the relationship. I'm talking about enjoyment of time together, whether that may mean a nice long love-making session, a simple conversation, or a trip to the bowling alley. How close are you to your spouse?

As you look at your life together and you realize that your level of intimacy might not be where it should be, you may begin looking at ways to make it better...and you should. I can think of a number of ways from more frequent date nights to quiet time alone on the couch talking....As you begin to strategize an Intimacy Improvement Initiative.... something begins to happen in your mind. EXCUSES!!!

For every solution to the problem, there is an excuse. These excuses lie in two primary areas...two areas we think we are lacking in for every area of our life.... Time & Money.

1.) I don't have time! My answer to that.... make time! Make time! If you have to cancel a golf game or a shopping session, make time! If you have a game to watch on TV....set the DVR and make time! Make Time! Make Time! Make Time! It's that important. The truth is in life, we make time for what is important in our life. If your marriage is important, make time. If you want it to fall apart, don't worry about it.

2.) I don't have the money! Don't go to the expensive restaurants...go to McDonald's. Don't go to McDonald's...pack a picnic. Don't pack a picnic... eat a triscuit. Don't go to the movies... rent one. Don't go to a concert... sing for her....(ok, that might not be a wise idea for some of you).... Just sit and talk. You don't have to have money to deepen intimacy. It's not about money, it is about time.

I want to throw something else in that I heard someone once say to me as an excuse for not spending time with their spouse and truly enjoying the moment with them. They were telling me of an occasion where they and their spouse were sitting at a restaurant and the entire time they were thinking, "All the money we are spending here, we could be buying more for our kids. We are just taking stuff away from them!"

My response was immediate, and probably could have been perceived as slightly harsh. My reply was something like this, "Are you kidding me?" If you're not spending time with your spouse are you not depriving them of seeing their parents not just love each other, but even liking each other?"

When we fail to invest time in our relationship, when we refuse to invest money in our relationship, we deprive our children of something that is vitally important for them as they grow...a beautiful example of what marriage "can" be... Are you being that example?

Our challenge: Learn to enjoy those people that God has gifted us with...our spouses. Cherish them, cherish time with them, make time with them, invest in time with them...That investment pays huge dividends for your life and the lives of your family.